Before and after
Who I? The mature emancipated childless aunt. Children in expensive catalogue or in TV advertising look angelski. However as well as them «recently given birth mums» from the same advertising: 90-60-90, and to a complexion can envy unless other model from face cream advertising.
I find children lovely and amusing, but poorly compatible to my restless life and work from a dawn to a decline for the blessing of the light future. Visiting girlfriends with children whom becomes more and more, I behold their posterity a cold sight, have preferably published, to squeeze and be lisped desires any, and all conversations I get as it is possible further from children's subjects. Pregnant women are represented by ugly creations, to them already never to become charming and attractive, and the figure of last month of pregnancy and remains at them for all life. My ideals - «a-lja Bridzhet Johns», like as well as dreaming of far and unreal family happiness with even more remote children, but thus doing all as though purposely that this fine never far has taken place. I read the biographic book of the Turkish journalist Hatice Akyün living in Berlin. Everything, as in that old joke about the groom for the girl in 20, 30 and 40 years: «what it?» «Who it?», «where it?» . In 18 years parents tried to marry off to it the Turkish groom, in 25 have told, that she can choose itself if only it was the Moslem, in 30 have agreed, that she can choose everybody if only the person was good. To it of 35 years, it still nezamuzhem, describes the more and less transient acquaintances, passionate bed scenes, evenings to the lonely girl-friend and dream to find German bojfrenda, understanding its rebellious soul. I will become engrossed in reading of a narration: it is sexual, passionate, safe. In the sense that sort continuation remains far behind safe horizon. I continue to read now and then favourite Ildiko von Kurthy, in its each new novel the lonely passionate heroine in whom the author is guessed itself almost already sorokoletnjaja, on couple of years becomes more younger and all operates more desperately both otchajanee. Diapers and kastrjulki in novels do not appear, but the life typical Single is presented to all ipostasjah. It is delightful, causes envy and it would be desirable to imitate indefinitely. Somehow I come on site Hatice Akyün, whether predvidetsja at it performance in Berlin, I wish to receive the autograph on the fly-leaf of its book. About, my God, my ideals of a happy and carefree life fall on eyes. Half a year back, priverzhennitsa orgies and independence, has given birth with Turkish bojfrendom to the child, and now weigh its site - the description on days and hours of feedings, walks, kastrjulek and diapers. All with unusual inspiration. I start to understand, that it not an exception, and a rule. In the next arrival to the girlfriend with the child, I glance over magazine "Parents" (Eltern); on a coffee table, unfortunately, anything else is not present. What do I see? A year as my favourite Ildiko from number in number publishes «Notes of newly made mother». Again feedings, walks, kastrjulki, diapers, all with unusual inspiration. I find out myself visiting "pregnant" both "parental" sites and forums. Few times even I start up tear, reading especially sentimental story about another's pregnancy. Oh, it yet does not suffice. I am emancipated, carefree and neprikajanna. Reading of another's stories about pregnancy alternates with thoughts on the independence and searches of new work, this leapfrog proceeds till that fine day in which I see two treasured polosochki on the test. Now and I can write stories about the pregnancy.
(January 2008)
Author: Viktoria